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I'll tell you a story, believe me it's true A tale you'd best hope never happens to you Old spicy mcHaggis, how he met his fate You I can save, but for him it's too late Spicy was big, burly and strong His pipes were gigantic, and so was his schlong From city to city running around Always looking for chicks over four hundred pounds One night at the pub a girl caught his eye Big as a house Just the right size The broad was enormous stacked to the hilt Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt The piper delivered his best pick-up line Thought to himself "This beast is all mine" The portly young lady could stand for no more Grabbed his cojones and went for the door They got to her house and dimmed all the lights Spicy was in for one hell of a night he said that he loved her, he'd always be true "But Mr. McHaggis, I've only just met you!" By now he saw double through his drunken eyes Neither had looks or appropriate size he came to his sense And thought to himself, "At this time of night I won't find nothing else" He took off his shirt, she lifted her skirt They pulled out his unit and stared to play She asked for a glove, he gave her a shove Had baby McHaggis nine months to-the-day Spicy! Spicy! Spicy! Spicy! Spicy! Spicy! Spicy! Spicy! One night at the pub a girl caught his eye Big as a house Just the right size The broad was enormous stacked to the hilt Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt The piper delivered his best pick-up line Thought to himself "The beast is all mine" The portly young lady could stand for no more Grabbed his cojones and went for the door Three packs a day He'll smoke 'til he dies Spicy McHaggis One hell of a guy! "I don't know what you all are talking about And who drank all my beer?"

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